Paige Williams Writes.

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Friendster’s Baaaaccckkk

December 3rd, 2009 by admin
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I was scared, too.

nwgt68

But it’s true. Friendster is getting a facelift. Apparently upset about their inability to keep up with Facebook—or Myspace, for that matter—Friendster is gearing up for a complete re-launch tomorrow. Now if you’re scratching your head in wonderment, trying to figure out exactly, “What’s a Friendster? Why does it ring out so vaguely from the ruins of my social past?,” fear not. I’m happy to provide a quick, Google-aided refresher.

Friendster was launched in 2003. Over three million users hopped aboard the Friendster train in its first months, but, alas—the site’s reign was short. By the end of 2006, Friendster’s clout was minimal at best in these United States. This might have caused concern for the Australia-based company, except for one thing: Some 90-percent of Friendster’s traffic is based in Asia. This fact, then, might explain the following creepy video…

Creepy Friendster Video

…which I’m fairly certain was not made with cynical, jaded Americans in mind. According to this painful clip, Friendster is now boasting “my own space,” with “my own music,” and “my own friends.” Woah. Friendster is now so distinct that it’s nothing at all like…MySpace. I’m not so sure that this type of re-work is a path we would suggest Friendster traversing. Seriously, I deleted my Myspace account mere cyber-seconds after I trashed my Friendster.

What’s next, glitter graphics?

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The Facebook Forum

June 12th, 2009 by Paige Williams
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Blake made me do it. Who knew I’d be so frantic watching the seconds tick down to 12:01 AM on June 13? But I was frantic and I did count the seconds. Why? All in the name of getting my own official facebook name, which, Blake assures me, will be very important to my career, life and future happiness.

So was it worth it?

I missed out on just my first name, which was the obvious original choice. (Good work, Paige O’Neil. I don’t know how you did it, but you do, indeed, click faster than I do). I did, however, jump in faster than the 500 plus other Paige Williams’ (who knew I was so boringly unoriginal)? and managed to grab facebook.com/paigewilliams.

Could’ve done worse, no? Hopefully future happiness is still in the cards.

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Resigning to Resignation

May 19th, 2009 by Paige Williams
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children

Kids are my heroes, and not just because they happily eat dirt and find genuine amusement in their own heads (two things I gave up with puberty, alas.) Even better than their complete openness to the joy around them, children have this uncanny ability to take the present and run with it, assuming that everything will always be as good, as fun, as fulfilling as it is today.

When I started my job as Executive Editor of Outblush, a leading shopping blog for women, I was incredibly childlike in my enthusiasm and wonder with the position. Writing about shopping? Receiving free press samples? Getting paid for the above mentioned two hours of daily commitment? Uh, where do I sign?

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Fast-forward 14 (mostly wonderful) months, and much like the child with last year’s Christmas presents, disillusionment had crept in. The main reason, surprisingly, was perhaps also childlike. I missed people, and insightful interaction, and getting out of my pajamas. I missed reading on the train during my commute and eating lunch with co-workers. In short, I missed the people-ness that working at home can so easily snatch away. [Read more →]

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Financial Extrapolation (Body)

April 16th, 2009 by Paige Williams
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The internet is funny: The prologue comes after the body. Silly internet. If you missed the inspirational Prologue to this post, please scroll down. Then scroll back up. It’s counter-intuitive. It’s the WWW!

Onward with this installment of THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE RECESSION:

1) Recession specials.
recession-specials
Perhaps they don’t have these outside of the greater NYC area (that sucks for the rest of you), but recession specials are the bomb. If you’re not familiar, they involve restaurants saying things like, “Eat three courses for 20 bucks.” Then I get to be like, “Hey, even I have 20 bucks! I shall partake in this feast of plenty.” Prior to the recession, deals like this did not exist. Perhaps because it’s not PC to have “Really poor people specials.”

2) Clothing cut-backs.
recession-clothes
The recession hit rock bottom just as the weather got warmer. In years past, I had to a) be embarrassed of my holey, too small shorts left from when I was 16, b) put myself into credit card debt to buy warm weather wear I could not afford. Now, no one has money, so no one can buy clothes, which means I won’t be ashamed to just cut things up and groove with the holes. In fact, now I can make a fashion statement of poor-ness. (Again, this strategy may be more effective in the NYC area.)

3) Cocktail company.
cocktails
As someone who’s consistently been poor, I’ve made a habit of making meals out of cocktail garnishes. Seriously, you can get three courses if you’re sneaky. I like to start with an appetizer of maraschino cherries, then move on to a main course of olives and cocktail onions and finish with a refreshing orange slice or seven. People once looked at me strangely as I stole bar garnishes. Now, the bartender, various out-of-work businessmen and the creepy guy in the corner who’s hitting on me have all joined in this feast of free—which, incidentally, I don’t have to partake in as much due to the prevalence of the aforementioned recession specials. [Read more →]

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Financial Extrapolation (Prologue)

April 15th, 2009 by Paige Williams
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Once upon a time, I was playing a game of Cranium with my best teammate and dear friend Heather, when she drew a card that instructed her to act out “The Great Depression” using simple charades. (Kind of insensitive and creepy, I realize. Take it up with Hasbro, people.) Most would balk at such a challenge, but Heather stood tough. She looked at me and solemnly held up three fingers. “THREE WORDS!” I screamed. Heather nodded, not losing her cool. She then rubbed her forefinger and thumb together vigorously. “MONEY!” (I get excited, give me a break.) Heather nodded again, then performed a dramatic outward crossing of her arms. “No!” I thought for a moment. No money. No money. When did people have no money? “THE GREAT DEPRESSION!” I yelled triumphantly. We win, timer sands didn’t even reach the halfway point. End of story.

cranium2
(A reenactment of the events described herein. Note, this is simply a reenactment. The actual event looked nothing like this photo.)

But alas, dear readers, that momentary triumph was all before the advent of “The Great REcession.” Now, things aren’t so simple.

Although the recession is absolutely a problem, I kinda feel bad for it. Everyone’s really hating on the recession right now, and that must suck. Although I confess to having been in that recession-rejection boat for some time, life’s too short to waste in negativity, no? Therefore, I propose a new concept for looking at this time of serious money loss, stock market crashes, negative retirement funds, zero loan opportunities and increased unemployment. It’s called:

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE RECESSION

…to be continued…

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Glitter Me This

April 1st, 2009 by Paige Williams
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I have an important confession to make.

glitterhate

I really. Really. Do. And here’s why:

Have you ever noticed that the things people proclaim in fluorescent, gleaming, glittering font have zero to do with anything that might–in some other world where glitter is acceptable–actually deserve to glitter? Here are some examples I’ve gathered from people’s real profiles. Let me remind you that I did not create these. They are real. They are live. And they are eating our brains on our computer screens.

Example 1:

vom

All right. Now I’ve never had a baby, or a husband (yet) for that matter, and I wouldn’t know much about falling in love with an infant. But what I do know is that this graphic is obnoxious. Not only is it unremarkable, since millions of people have babies every day, but it runs the serious risk of alienating/offending/generally upsetting the rest of the universe who a) can’t have babies, b) haven’t found husbands, c) have babies, but no husbands, d) are grossed out by mushy sentiments that shimmer.

Moving on to Example 2:

vom2

Oh my Lord, where do I start? With the fact that whoever this is directed to would never know, based solely on the lack of proper nouns? With the idea that perhaps everyone who reads it will assume that it’s referring to them, leading to some sticky situations? Or should I just point out again that this is not worthy of a glitter graphic? [Read more →]

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